Hypochondriacs should be comforted to hear that scientists have developed a card-reading device that can test blood, urine and saliva for diseases and illnesses instantly. This medical card-reader uses the giant magnetoresistance principle, which means it can diagnose diseases from bodily samples just as a computer would collect data off hard disk drives.
Because it is currently the size of a desktop computer, this device will not be available for commercialization as of now. So, if you're too impatient to find out whether or not you tested positive for gonorrhea, and you just can't seem to keep it in your pants in the meantime, please use a condom. Thank you.
