Mar 14, 2014
Jan 20, 2014
Oct 26, 2013
Feb 21, 2009
Google Proves Humanity Is Sick and Sad, Yet Absolutely Hilarious
Recently we found out that, according to Google's search, 303,000 people out there were "extremely terrified of Chinese people". We got deeper into Humanity's brain, and got a list of hilarious and scary findings.
Go to the
• 5,310,000 pages from people asking or answering: How to get pregnant.
• 69,400,000 people asking How to make money.
• 32,600,000: How to get over someone.
• 3,290,000: Who do I have to be to make you sleep with me.
• 841,000: I have a large cat in my pants.
• 3,300,000: I have a large uterus.
• 112,000: I have a lovely bunch of coconuts (lots of swallows surfing the web).
• 256,000,000: I want to die.
• 3,160,000: Why do I fart so much.
• 528,000: Why do indians smell.
• 63,500,000: Why do I sleep so much.
• 680,000: Why do I have green poop.
• 883,000,000: Why do I have no friends.
• 7,570,000: Why do I have diarrhea.
• 4,170,000: Why do I have so much discharge.
• 7,120,000: Why do I have to pee so much.
• 230,000,000: Why do I have gas or so much gas.
• 456,000: Why do men have nipples.
• 6,000,000: Why men don't call.
• 8,380,000: Why men lie.
• 11,000,000: Why women have affairs.
• 36,500,000: Why women lie.
• 94,200,000: Why Obama should be president.
• 19,100,000: Why Obama should not be president.
• 42,300: Why Luke Skywalker is an idiot.
• 1,610,000: I would like to buy a hamburger.
• 286,000: I would like to extend you an invitation to the pants party.
• 818,000: I think im pregnant.
• 442,000: I hate Indiana Jones 4.
• Almost 800,000,000: Who do I vote for.
• 4,980,000: I want a new drug.
• 114,000,000: I want a wife (114 million people are nuts).
• 783,000: I have one testicle.
• 21,900,000: I have one more drink.
• 12,400,000: I have three breasts.
• 320,000: I have three testicles.
• 1,580,000: I have three girlfriends.
• 610,000: I have four sides, all opposite sides are parallel, I have no right angles.
• 159,000,000: When to work.
• 126,000,000: When to say I love you.
• 2,730,000: Sleep is for sissies.
• 2,890,000: I smeel like poop.
• 1,510,000: What is a recession.
• 1,400,000: I have a hard time swallowing.
• 338,000: I have a big bag of crabs here.
• 1,060,000: Sex is for making babies and revenge.
We. Are. Doomed.
Feb 7, 2009
Chinese Teenager Recovering After Suicide Attempt to Save Dying Father
The story of Chen Jin, who lay in critical condition for almost two weeks after attempting to sacrifice herself for her parent, has touched hearts across the country. Donations have flooded in to pay the family's huge medical bills and well-wishers have even offered to give the father their own livers.
On february 6th the hospital in
"She loves her dad more than herself," said the teenager's mother, who said her husband had been diagnosed with liver cancer in December and told that he had only three months to live.
The couple decided to keep the news from their daughter for as long as possible. But after Jin came across a medical letter last month explaining the extent of her father's condition she waited until her mother was at the hospital and then attempted to kill herself.
The girl was found breathing weakly by her mother Cui Lan after she returned home from visiting her cancer-stricken husband in ho
spital on January 24.
"I saw my daughter lying quite still, as if she were dead, with two empty bottles of pills beside her bed and a suicide note," Cui Lan, 43, said.
The note read: "Mum, I am sorry that I could not be with you any more. Please give my liver to my father after I die."
Jin was rushed to hospital where doctors pumped her stomach twice and gave her a blood transfusion.
For days her distraught mother tried to hide the truth from her husband, telling him that their daughter could not visit him because she was slightly unwell, or busy visiting relatives. In fact, she was lying metres away in the intensive care unit of the same hospital.
Five days after admission, Jin finally emerged from her coma and was even able to write a brief note to her parents, telling her father she would come to visit him.
But only two days later she stopped breathing – and did so again a 
day later. Doctors became increasingly anxious as she remained in a critical condition. It was only on friday (6/2), 11 days after her suicide attempt, that they declared her out of danger.
Shen Nanping, director of the children's emergency department in Wuxi People's Hospital, said it was a miracle her life had been saved.
He added: "Her vital signs are stable, all organs are working comparatively normally and she can communicate with us. However, her thinking and memory have not fully recovered." He warned it would take several weeks before the full effects of her suicide attempt could be determined.
She is likely to need further surgery because she fell asleep on an electric blanket and the prolonged heat damaged her legs.
The family have had to pay hundreds of thousands of yuan to treat father and daughter, on an income of only around 1,000 yuan (£100) a month. But Cui said today that well-wishers had given so much that all their bills had been covered and she would donate any excess to other needy families. Modern Express said many people had also rung the paper to offer to donate their organs.
They included Zhai Shuyou, a 77-year-old retired worker from
But Wang Weidong, the doctor treating the father, said a liver transplant could not save him because the cancer had already spread.
The girl was very polite and good at painting and school, a neighbor surnamed Ruan said.
"She and her father have a very close relationship," Ruan said. "They often ride bikes to have outings together and the father always says he was quite lucky to have such a daughter."
Aug 20, 2008
Miracle Baby Came Back To Life
The baby was pronounced dead several hours earlier, after doctors at
Magdoub was in the fifth month of her pregnancy.
The baby, weighing only 600 grams at birth, spent at least five hours inside one of the hospital's morgue refrigerators, before her parents, who had taken her to be buried, began noticing some movement.
"We unwrapped her and felt she was moving. We didn't believe it at first. Then she began holding my mother's hand, and then we saw her open her mouth," the Telegraph quoted Magdoub, as saying.
Hospital deputy director Moshe Daniel said: "We don't know how to explain this, so when we don't know how to explain things in the medical world we call it a miracle, and this is probably what happened."
"We've informed the Health Ministry and I guess they'll appoint a commission of inquiry. The hospital will ask for an external investigation of the case," Daniel added.
Motti Ravid, a professor of internal medicine, told
Jul 2, 2008
Twenty-five Signs You Have Grown Up
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “breakup.”
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog “Science Diet” instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at three in the morning would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A four dollar bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good sh*t.”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
23. Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh sh*t what the hell happened?”