200-Meter-Long Superyacht Makes All Billionaires' Existing Yachts Look Merely Clitoral

Ain't it always the way? Just when you think you're the owner of the world's biggest yacht, an even larger one appears out of nowhere? (Well, we say nowhere, we really mean Belgium, where boat designers Emocean hail from.)

At 656 ft - 99 ft longer than Roman Abramovich's dinghy - the uberyacht will have a drive-in garage, a pair of 98-ft day boats, a helipad, a hanger, a 30-meter swimming pool, nightclub, casino, games room, a two-level cinema, three beach clubs and a health spa. There are 10 VIP rooms, 22 guest suites and a private deck for the owner.

The floating turd - just look at the color of that thing - houses 45 passengers and 70 crew and bobs along at an impressive 28 knots. Range is 6,500 nautical miles.

Chelsea Football Club Owner Building $400 Million Mega-Yacht with Submarine, Missile Defenses

Russian billionaire and Chelsea soccer club owner Roman Abramovich is building a $400 million mega-yacht. Yawn, you say? You have two? OK, well, this yacht has its own submarine. And armor plating with bulletproof glass. And little boats that fit inside the bigger boat. And a frickin' missile defense system that will alert he and his crew of 70 former SAS soldiers that there be pirates in those waters. It should be noted that Abramovich's other yachts—the 377 ft. Pelorus, 282ft Ecstasea and 160ft Sussurro—all pale in comparison to the 550 ft. Eclipse, and do not include missile detection systems. You can never be too safe, right?

The Eclipse, so named because Abramovich desires that it overshadow all other boats at sea, also includes an escape submarine, just in case pirates or other rapscallions make it on board. The submarine seats two, so Abramovich and his gorgeous girlfriend Daria Zhukova, 26, can make a hasty flight to safer waters (or go down to 160 ft. deep) while his hired guns secure the decks.

Abramovich's Eclipse will also have room for 24 guests, a cinema, aquarium, disco and a hospital. But no weapons—under maritime law, private vessels are banned from carrying them. Hence, the yellow submarine action and missile defenses that border on paranoia.